Childish Maturity

   Delightful Sunbright Blinding Smile

your Shield

not wanting to show the damage that has been done

you shield yourself

you smile

   You carry all These inside of you like

an active volcano ready to erupt

a shaken bottle of Red Wine ready to pop

A reckless relieving blade that refuses to stop….

Please drop It. We’re here to pick you up.

   This game of Hide-and-Seek that we’ve been playing

will it ever end?

this game that we started I can’t remember when

you cross boundaries and hide in places

you’re not supposed to

we can’t find you. We Want to find You.

Olley Olley Oxen Free

Come back to Us, your Sanctuary

We’ll cushion the blow from this harsh reality

Please come out.

   We’ve been dying to complete this 10000 piece jigsaw puzzle

please give us the missing pieces

We’ve been following this trail of bread crumbs

please don’t send your birds to eat them.

Our delicate stubborn hands will keep trying

to uncover this fragile Glass Matryoshka Doll

until we get to the last doll….

the True Doll

We won’t stop.

We want to completely see you.

We want to stop the crevices from cracking.

We want to heal you.

We want to keep you

Whole.

Rejected twice indirectly by some girls a barely knew. Rejected by San Diego State University (my dream college). Wishing that I wouldn’t get into speech state competition…….wish rejected so now I’m not going to prom….. You got somethin against me World? then bring it, ‘cause these are merely mosquito bites. you can do better than that

    That spotless innocent smile

That lingering lollipop laugh

That giant teddy bear figure you created

as you spread your arms for a hug.

These tiny fragments of my memory suddenly triggered

by some lie that I heard

by some lie that I refuse to believe

by some lie that is….true

I regret not knowing you as much back then.

No tears on my face, just a face that says “I’m sorry”

I regret only remembering small fragments of my memory.

Everything’s a blur. Turns out I don’t really know you.

I don’t know your last name

I don’t know your family

I don’t know your friends, your favorite color, You.

But all I know is you are a friend of mine.

And that you were still young.

I don’t care if God got bored of this story and skipped to the end.

I don’t care if the pen dried,

there’s still thick stack of empty blank pages.

Like a premature baby that never had the chance to feel its mother’s touch

You were still young

You were still Young.

   I wish he was an asshole

who gives these careless one word replies

who poisons your mind with playful promises and slithering lies

who makes you watch your own reflection as it slowly dies

I wish he was this asshole

but he’s not. 

   I wish he was a player

who keeps you and other victims as trophies and prized possessions

who thinks with his second head with sick sexual intentions

who holds your hand while his tongue dances with his other collections

I wish he was this player

but he’s not.

   He was the hand that wiped those tears

the arms that kept you warm through your first winter

the kiss that made you forget all the pain

He’s the cross that brought back your faith

He’s the bandage, the pillow, the hero, the shoulder, the One

that will never lose grip of your hand.

He’s yours, and You’re his

and I’m happy you’re with him.

   I want to believe. But I ‘m not so sure.

I ask you questions, You never answer

In my time of need, Your voice was the cure.

   Your were my routine, with You I was pure.

I wore you around my neck, my wrist, Me.

I want to believe. But I’m not so sure.

   I kneel to you as tragedies occur.

Pleading with praise but no help, no hand, none.

In my time of need, Your voice was the cure.

   Logic and Evolution. I mature

with physical tangible evidence

I want to believe. But I’m not so sure.

   With my mind and my knowledge I endure

Mom’s life stolen, my marriage’s broken

In my time of need, Your voice was the cure.

   Your picture starts to become so obscure

This book of fantasy and talk-stories.

I want to believe. But I’m not so sure.

In Your time of need, My voice was the cure.

   I look up to you

You make the ground I stand on

Collapse

You bruise and break my knees

just so I can kneel and

look up to you

You climb these stairs of broken confidence

putting yourself on a pedestal so all of us can

look up to you.

   You’ve thrown sand into my eyes

told me a million lies

harass, humiliate, chastise

the people that have done nothing but care about you.

I can see right through you

through these sand in my eyes

I can still see

crisp crystal clean high definition

with a vision of 20/20 I see

your soul

so sinister

so shameful

so sinful

so sad

it’s… suffering

you’re suffering.

   It took me so long to realize

that you cause tears in order to revitalize

and put and end to your suffering soul’s demise

You drink our tears

feel pleasure with our pain

our suffering… is your sustenance.

I’ll cry

I’ll bleed

I’ll suffer to keep you alive

and when all have abandoned you in the end

behind all this perfidy I’ll still be

you’re Friend.